cover-cracked-open

Finding joy on the other side of darkness is an underlying theme of my new book, “Cracked Open” How many among us has not struggled with fears of failing that lead to not acting on our dreams or exercising our talents? How often have we been stopped in our tracks by self-doubt or negative thinking? How many suffer from the belief that perfectionism is the only route to success and achievement?

To introduce “Cracked Open:Reflections on the Transformative Power of Failure, Fear, & Doubt”, I offer you insight into how this book came into being and why I felt impelled to write it.

Introduction to Cracked Open

“Today I am in my 7th decade; this is shocking to me. Where did that time go? Portions of it feel like a dream – of both sweet and nightmare dimensions. I wonder, “Did I actually live it?” I know I was there, but at times I feel more like an observer of my Self-in-Action and at other times the very much present actor on the stage.

Even as I was writing “Cracked Open”, I puzzled over how it began. Where did the idea of it come? From what pause in my life, heart, and mind did it find a fertile resting place suitable to plant its roots, poke its head above the hardened earth, defiantly sprout its stalks and leaves and later burst into flower?

Such is the mystery of life. If we are honest, we don’t know where the next creation comes from; we only know later, in retrospect, that it has occurred.

“TODAY I AFFIRM THAT I AM DIVINELY GUIDED.

THERE IS THAT WITHIN THAT KNOWS WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DO IT.

AND IT COMPELS ME TO ACT ON WHAT IT KNOWS.”

ERNEST HOLMES

These decades have not passed without their joys and triumphs as well as their sorrows, disappointments, and defeats. Yet, all of it, each scrap of life, has become an essential facet of my identity. Each has to be bowed down to in thanks and appreciation, especially the ugly parts. Those very life experiences I wish had passed my door as the angels of the Israelites passed over their doorways to visit devastation upon their oppressors. They, they are my mentors.

However, if there is one thing my own life has taught is that none of us goes forth through life unscathed. Darkness is one side of the coin of life and light is the other.

I have concluded that this is what life intends. Life brings illumination through its battles between the darkness and the light. As the Clash of the Titans, when the force of steel on steel comes into our life-battle, our hero-selves can emerge.

We don’t all emerge victoriously. There are no guarantees of happy endings. However, I cannot face away from the darkness when it comes. And it does come; often when I feel least prepared. But somehow, at the point when I feel overcome, somehow my foolhardy courage is summoned; a stone from my slingshot releases and l dare to face down the giant monster that awaits me, letting come what may come.’

To letting the light in!

Solitude has benefits. Nah, that can’t be right!

So many of us are frightened of the quiet, of time on our own, of solitude. We try to outrun our fears of who we sense we may actually be: the parts unseen yet terrifying. For others, it’s the disappointment in what their lives or careers have provided that make them escape artists, hiding in the crowd.

Do we stay so obsessively “busy” as an avoidance or defense against sadness, depression, disappointment and disconnection? Is solitude a form of loneliness?

Here’s the distinction between loneliness and solitude. Unlike loneliness, solitude is a chosen state of being. It is chosen sought as a path to freedom, a space that we optin to avoid the demands and interruption caused by others, by work pressures, deadlines and unproductive busy work.

Choosing solitude doesn’t tag you as antisocial, depressed or having a breakdown! Solitude is good for us. There are significant benefits to committing ourselves to spending time alone on a regular basis.

Have you made room for solitude in your life?

Approaching solitude is an act of hope, a willingness to dare the unknown interior of our thoughts and feelings, a potential of finding a previously unknown passion, desire, or even experience a previously submerged pain or a rediscovery of joy not recently experienced.

It is, importantly, a rest, a slowing down, a time to breathe.

Taking solitude for yourself is a gift. A gift that can provide endless surprises and an increasing sense of connection to yourself, your inner being, and even the part of you that perhaps has yet to emerge in the world.

The Benefits Solitude Provides:

Being with yourself allows the space for thinking deeply. If you take some time each day to be in solitude your brain has a space in which to dive deep, to think more creatively about something or to become a perfect partner to yourself.

You learn to be more self-reliant. You are with yourself. There is no one there to discuss things with or to help. You learn to solve challenges yourself; you will discover that you’re good company, and you can entertain yourself. You’ll become more confident in making well-considered decisions that of derive from your thinking. Do you rely on others? If so, this might be a bit uncomfortable, but it becomes easier with practice.

For those who are more introverted, some alone time is necessary for happiness. Introverts recharge their energy by spending time alone. Solitude is a delightful pleasure for an introvert. However, not all introverts appear the same – I am an outgoing, verbal, engaged person. However, my energies are renewed when I take a purposeful amount of time to myself. While others, who behaviorally appear like me, seek to charge up their emotional energies by engaging with groups of others.

Being alone allows you to downshift. Your mind and body have a better opportunity to rest when you’re away from other people. You can be yourself 100%, wipe away nagging thoughts, and regain your focus. If you have yet to incorporate some solitude into your life, you may find the idea frightening or uncomfortable. However, once begun, you will experience how your body and your mind crave this private, sacred space.

Alone time can play a significant role in our mental wellness. Some studies have shown that teens and adults that have a moderate amount of time to themselves enjoy better mental well-being –their moods are positive, their thoughts feel less distracted, and their sense of well-being is more pronounced than those that spend significantly less time in solitude.

When you’re on your own, you’re in control. You can spend your time exactly the way you choose. The TV remote is under your complete control. You can eat what you want, go shopping where you desire, or watch the movie of your choosing. There are no compromises when you’re by yourself.

You can get more done. People, phones, emails, texts, computer games are another form of distraction. So solitude doesn’t necessarily mean you are spending time meditating or being still. You can find solitude when you’re painting, gardening, or taking a walk or writing a book or article.

You learn more about yourself. By spending time alone, you have more opportunity to examine your thoughts. You can give more consideration to what you want and need in your life. You can be a better employee, friend, and family member when you understand yourself better.

Solitude provides clarity. Life and other people can taint your view of the world. You’re freer from the influence of others when you’re by yourself. Modern life tends to drive an external perspective. Being alone provides the chance to re-center yourself, go inward, and view life from a more personal perspective. So many of us are frightened by the unknown inner space. Once discovered it can offer much nourishment, richness, and joy.

Not Yet a Seeker of Solitude?

If this is new to you, I suggest you take bite-size experiences first. A 15-minute walk by yourself is a good start.Like me, you may find that if you leave the devices at home, you’ll discover the richness – birds, flowers, the smell of a freshly cut lawn – around you far more than if you’re plugged in.

If you drive to work choose not to listen to the radio, or talk on your mobile, or any other distraction. Just drive and let your thoughts take you where they may. At first, you may find yourself worrying or thinking endlessly of a problem or a resentment – try catching yourself in the act, decide to shift your thoughts and perhaps think of things you are grateful for instead. You never know what may come next!

The world won’t offer you solitude; it’s a choice and a gift that you bequeath to yourself.

Photo by Jake Melare – Unsplash